To my long waited dear friends, a few updates in life.
First work, which is dominating my everyday life so far. I've been working extra hard for the past few month, don't know why, not exactly because i'm a hard working guy, may be it is simply because i felt like it was my responsibility. Anyway, i got a minor promotion, so now it's assistant manager, nothing too fancy, i think in citi hk history the fastest promotion was half a year, my was Feb to Aug so about the same keke.
Love wise, my goal and dream lies in NY, and right now i'm planning to do something about it. By the end of this year the result will be shown, the most important thing is. I've made my mind already !! The choice is made, now what is left is to work toward my goal.
Family, although a very big reason of why i came back to HK to work was because my family is here, i don't get to see them very often, mostly only on the weekend. Mom just went to Melbourne and Toronto, (yea not exactly two city that's right next to each other i know. ) Dad went back to China for my grandma's one year.
Before the next time we meet, stay lame and remember these
The Rules of Wedding Crashing:
Rule #1: Never leave a fellow Crasher
behind. Crashers take care of their own.
Rule #2: Never use your real name.
Rule #3: When crashing an Indian wedding,
identify yourself as a well-known immigrant officer or a county lawyer.
Rule #4: No one goes home alone.
Rule #5: Never let a girl come between
you and a fellow crasher.
Rule #6: Do not sit in the corner and
sulk. It draws attention in a negative way. Draw attention to yourself,
but on your own terms.
Rule #7: Blend in by standing out.
Rule #8: Be the life of the party.
Rule #9: Whatever it takes to get in,
get in.
Rule #10: Invitations are for pussies.
Rule #11: Sensitive is good.
Rule #12: When it stops being fun, break
something.
Rule #13: Bridesmaids are desperate:
console them.
Rule #14: You're a distant relative of
a dead cousin.
Rule #15: Fight the urge to tell the
truth.
Rule #16: Always have an up-to-date family
tree.
Rule #17: Every female wedding guest
deserves a wedding night.
Rule #18: You love animals and children.
Rule #19: Toast in the native language
if you know the native language and have practiced the toast. Do not
wing it.
Rule #20: The older the better, the younger
the better (see Rule below)
Rule #21: Definitely make sure she's
18.
Rule #22: You have a wedding and a reception
to seal the deal. Period. No overtime.
Rule #23: There's nothing wrong with
having seconds. Provided there's enough women to go around.
Rule #24: If you get outed, leave calmly.
Do not run.
Rule #25: You understand she heard that
but that's not what you meant.
Rule #26: Of course you love her.
Rule #27: Don't over drink. The machinery
must work in order to close.
Rule #28: Make sure there's an open bar.
Rule #29: Always be a team player. Everyone
needs a little help now and again.
Rule #30: Know the playbook so you can
call an audible.
Rule #31: If you call an audible, always
make sure your fellow Crashers know.
Rule #32: Don't commit to a relative
unless you're absolutely sure that they have a pulse.
Rule #33: Never go back to your place.
Rule #34: Be gone by sunrise.
Rule #35: Breakfast is for closers.
Rule #36: Your favorite movie is "The
English Patient".
Rule #37: At the reception, one hard
drink or two beers max. A drunk crasher is a sloppy crasher.
Rule #38: Girls in hats tend to be proper
and rarely give it up.
Rule #39: The way to a woman's bed is
through the dance floor.
Rule #40: Dance with old folks and the
kids. The girls will think you're "sweet."
Rule #41: Never hit on the bride -- it's
a one way ticket to the pavement
Rule #42: Try not to break anything,
unless you're not having fun.
Rule #43: At the service, sit in the
fifth row. It's close enough to wedding party to seem like you're an
invited guest. Never sit in the back. The back row just smells like
crashing.
Rule #44: Create an air of mystery that
involves some painful experience when interacting with the girl you're
after. But don't talk about it.
Rule #45: Always remember your fake name!
Rehearse it in advance and make sure you know your fellow Crasher's
code-name as well!
Rule #46: The Rules of Wedding Crashing
are sacred. Don't sully them by "improvising."
Rule #47: You forgot your invitation
in your rush to get to the church.
Rule #48: Make sure all the single women
at the wedding know you're there because you've just suffered either
a terrible breakup or the death of your fiancée.
Rule #49: Always work into the conversation:
"Yeah, I have tons of money. But how does one buy happiness?"
Rule #50: Be pensive! It draws out the
"healer" in women.
Rule #51: Always pull out in time.
Rule #52: Tell any woman you're interested
in that you'd love to stay put but you promised to help out at the homeless
shelter today.
Rule #53: It's time to put your Drama
Lessons in practice! Get choked up during the service. The girls will
think you're "sensitive". Bring a slice of onion or artificial
tears if necessary.
Rule #54: Avoid virgins. They're too
clingy.
Rule #55: If pressed, tell people you're
related to Uncle John. Everyone has an Uncle John.
Rule #56: Don't fixate on one woman.
ALWAYS have a back-up.
Rule #57: When seeing a rival Crasher,
do not interact: merely acknowledge each other with a tug on the earlobe
and gracefully move on.
Rule #58: The Ferrari's in the shop.
Rule #59: If two rival crashers pick
the same girl, the crasher with the least seniority will respectfully
yield.
Rule #60: No "chicken dancing":
no exceptions.
Rule #61: When crashing out of state,
request permission from the local Wedding Crasher chapter.
Rule #62: No more than two weddings a
weekend. More and your game gets sloppy. You'll also attract unwanted
notice.
Rule #63: Bring an extra umbrella when
it rains. Courtesy opens more legs than charm.
Rule #64: Always save room for cake.
Rule #65: When your crash partner fails,
you fail. No man is an island.
Rule #66: Smile! You're having the time
of your life.
Rule #67: Mix it up a little. You can't
always be the man with the haunted past.
Rule #68: Dance with the Bride's grandmother.
Rule #69: No sex on the altar. Confessionals,
okay. Chair lofts, better.
Rule #70: Two shutouts in a row? It's
time to take a week off. Ask yourself: what is it that is getting in
the way of my happiness?
Rule #71: Research, research, research
the wedding party. And when you are done researching, research some
more.
Rule #72: Studies have shown that women
have a more developed sense of smell. Breath mints: small cost, big
yield.
Rule #73: Keep interactions with the
parents of the bride and groom to a minimum.
Rule #74: In case of emergency, refer
to the rulebook.
Rule #75:
Rule #76: No excuses. Play like a champion.
Rule #77: Carry extra protection at ALL
times.
Rule #78: The unmarried female rabbi:
is she fair game? Of course she is.
Rule #79: The tables furthest from the
kitchen always get served first.
Rule #80: Stop, look, listen. At weddings.
In life.
Rule #81: Occasionally bring a gift:
you're getting sex without having to buy dinner, so you can afford a
blender.
Rule #82: Always think ahead but always
stay in the moment. Reconcile this paradox and you'll not only get the
girl, you might also get peace of mind.
Rule #83: Don't let the ring bearer bum
your smokes. His parents may start to ask questions.
Rule #84: Stay clear of the wedding planner.
They may recognize you and start to wonder.
Rule #85: Don't use the "I have
two months to live" bit: not cool, not effective.
Rule #86: Shoes say a lot about the man.
Rule #87: Always choose large weddings.
More choice. Easier to blend.
Rule #88: You're from out of town. ALWAYS.
Rule #89: Know something about the place
you say you are from, whether be from another US state or another country.
Texas is too-played out. For some reason, England, Germany or even New
Hampshire seem to work. Master the accents convincingly, and you've
nailed them!
Rule #90: Of course you dream of one
day having children.
Rule #91: Never dance to "What I
Like About You." It's long past time to let that song go. Someone
will request it at every wedding. Don't dance to it. No matter how hot
the girl.
Rule #92: Tell the bride's friends and
family that you are family of the groom and visa-versa.
Rule #93: Only take one car. You never
know when you'll need to make a fast escape.
Rule #94: Deep down, most people hate
themselves. This knowledge is the key to most bedroom doors.
Rule #95: Try not to show off on the
dance floor. This means you Jeremy.
Rule #96: Etiquette isn't old-fashioned.
It's sexy.
Rule #97: Catholic weddings: the classic
dilemma: painfully long ceremony: horny girls.
Rule #98: The newspaper Wedding Announcements
are your racing form. Choose carefully.
Rule #99: Be judicious with cologne.
Citrus tones are best.
Rule #100: Save the tuxes for "the
big show" only.
Rule #101: Avoid women who were psychology
majors in college. There is no kind of woman more clingy and persistent
than a psychologist investigating your story later on.
Rule #102: No periwinkle colored ties,
please.
Rule #103: Always have an early "appointment"
the next morning.
Rule #104: Be well groomed and well-mannered.
Rule #105: Never cockblock a fellow Crasher.
Cockblocking an invited guest--okay.
Rule #106: Eat plentiful, digest your
food. You'll need the energy later.
Rule #107: Know when to abandon ship
if it ain't floating.
Rule #108: Know your swing and salsa
dancing. Girls love to get twisted around.
Rule #109: Always carry an assortment
of place cards to match any wedding design.
Rule #110: Make sure your magic trick
and balloon animal skills are not rusty. If the kids love it, the girls
will too.
Rule #111: Never have sex with bride
or groom's mother even if she is the hottest bombshell at the wedding.
Just control yourself.
Rule #112: Have FUN! It's why you're
there!
Rule #113: Don't look for opportunities;
make them.
Rule #114: 3-4 months to wedding crash--funerals
are year round!
Rule #115: Never walk away from a crasher
in a funny jacket. (The rule that Jeremy makes up to insult John)